in highest trust

dear God,
i am vexed
i am vexed
with pain &
innocence

humiliated
& accused
i hurt, i hurt
but why?
but why?

i am vexed by the integrity
in the center of my being
that instructs me quietly
in doings
far bigger than my
self

i am vexed by my community
watching watching
silence silence

Dushka Dushka
you trusted me
in your life
you trusted me in your dying
you trusted me with your legacy

for what i did for you
in life & after
did i ever benefit by more
than in the trust & respect
of the people
whom i now
love?

did i not draw them together
to serve your work?
what further interest
can attach to me?

together we created
a space in the world
for your dream to root
& grow––

to expand the minds
& hearts of how many others
with matchless discoveries
for their souls

your mother & your father
know this is true

Dushka Dushka
i have not
forsaken you

Dushka Dushka
do not forsake
me

each day i pray
for reconciliation––
a bringing together,
as you instructed
all of us

if i mis-interpreted your will––
show me how

teach me
to make one of two
& one of seven
before i move
on

dear God,
i want no enemies
i want no reward
i wish only the confidence
that I did Thy will
to fulfill
Thy trust