death in life

i
you said
you fell into a black
hole.

your vital signs
flickered & shut
down.

i saw only an abandoned
cadaver, warm but
weeping

weeping weeping weeping
like an orphaned
dream.

ii
when an infant cries
it hurts my
heart.

it has been
sobbing for a million
years.

there is a
pain that broods; a
birth wound that cannot
heal;

a nightmare of
loss, forever
grieving.

iii
the sages tell
us to surrender–– to
grasp for neither

happiness nor sadness; to
fill ourselves with
emptiness.

but Lord, i am
not ready.

iv
when my
woman’s smile is
lost to me

(even for an
         instant)

my heart goes
numb.

i devolve,
stumble backwards &
fall to the
ground––

a splattering of
chemical fear––

trembling,
frightened, crumbling
elemental
earth.