how i cling

how i cling to it––
   this fear
   this nameless, gagging
trembling

frozen in a foetus pose
   of wanting

i don’t know what is
   hurt inside, why
   this shell is thick
   like a berlin
bunker

why i’ve buried my
   desire for so
long

it’s time to end this
   exile from the
   sun
with a shock of sperm

to rise from my
   roots like a sunflower
to dance like a
   jaguar

to thunder
   like lightning